While looking through my documents I found this; My '25 things' from 2009. I stand by everything I wrote here. Number 7 is of particular interest in reference to this blog...
1. There is nothing more terrifying to me than the idea of dying alone and friendless. I understand that most people have this fear, but it terrifies me nonetheless. In year 10 I had to read ‘The Pigman’ (written by somebody amazing yet sadly forgettableL). This book changed my entire view regarding the relationships you make throughout your life. Until I read this book, I held the idea that once you found your “true-love” you would never be lonely again. This book completely shattered this notion. DAMN YOU PAUL ZINDEL! (that’s his name by the way:P)
2. Despite this however, I’m also terrified of developing close relationships with people – friendship is fine but anything more intimate frightens me.
3. I wish I was more intelligent then I am. I guess I’m incredibly jealous of/ intimidated by the people I associate with regularly.
4. I love being a Jewess. It makes my uncontrollable political incorrectness somewhat justifiable…
5. I hate it when people assume that because I’m Jewish I must also be pro-Zionist. I AM NOT! I believe that politics has NO place within religion, and that I shouldn’t be forced to embrace a cause I do not support simply because of my ethnicity and cultural ties.
6. I have never broken anybodies heart or had my heart broken. I prefer to watch other people living their lives instead of living my own. It’s just easier that way.
7. I wish I had the creativity/ talent to write anything of significance, whether it be stories, music, essays, speeches, anything really. Words don’t come easily to me (surprisingly)! I have so many thoughts buzzing around in my head at any one time, that ordering them to form coherent/complete sentences/ideas is usually so much effort that I lose all pleasure in doing so, thus defeating the purpose of writing anything in the first place.
8. Despite this lack of talent, I won the state prize in the Nestle Write Around Australia Competition in 2001. My story was about a boy that got eaten by his rubbish bin. It was called ‘How I Died from a Simple Chore’.
9. I have trouble sleeping at night. It’s really becoming a problem.
10. I genuinely believe my life would be better if I was a man, least of all because I would (hopefully) have the capacity to grow a crazy-delicious beard without being judged by society.
11. I feel sad if I’m not one of the funniest people in the room mainly because I feel that my sense of humour/ the ability to make other laugh is all I really have to contribute to society.
12. If you’re lost, you can look and you will find me, time after time.
13. I really wish I could sing musicals well and hit up Broadway! Of course, even if I was amazing I would still have to be able to dance (which I can’t)… damn… it was an amazing plan while it lasted…
14. Surprisingly, I really don’t hate people. Unfortunately I have the capacity to strongly dislike somebody for an extended period of time, but once I’m left to stew, I realize that I never hated them in the first place, nor shall I in the future. This is yet another example of why the things that I say should be ignored…
15. I really dislike weddings and funerals – really any place where it is dictated how you should emotionally react to the situation. I’m the sort of person who would cry at a wedding and laugh at a funeral. This isn’t because I’m a horrible person or anything (mum), but because that is how I deal with things.
16. I can’t stand to see men cry – if they cry, I cry. I think this is because of my father. Growing up, I only ever saw my dad cry in sadness twice – when I was 7 he cried because my nona’s dementia had become so bad that she didn’t recognize him anymore, and when I was 12 and she passed away. I guess I associate men crying with truly devastating events, events that I should feel horrible about…
17. I don’t read as much as I used to. This saddens me
18. I do not have any hobbies or interests.
19. If I eat too much sugar I start crying uncontrollable about insignificant things. It’s really awkward to both experience and justify to people who aren’t aware of this.
20. When I was in primary school I was bullied a lot and had no friends. I think it’s because of this that I worry that nobody likes me. Even when I’m in a crowded room or in the centre of a circle I feel excluded.
21. I love colour. The only colour I don’t like (although it is really a shade) is white. I have never liked it, and I doubt I ever will. I find it too cold, uninviting and unemotional.
22. I love my bother but hate what he’s become. Unfortunately he can’t see how his actions affect us all. I think that dealing with him has taught me a lot about tolerating the behaviors of the people you love even if you hate what they are doing to themselves.
23. My bedroom looks like an amazing combination of a museum, library, second hand shop and apothecary on crack. I love it.
24. When I develop crushes on people (which I do A LOT) they tend to last for a long time. This is because I’m generally attracted to my idea of the person rather than the person themselves. What this means is that if I have ever had a crush on you, you are not in a relationship and we haven’t have a falling out of massive proportions, chances are I still like you to some degree… you have been warned:P
25. I’m sorry for inflicting my insecurities upon you. I will never do it again… today.
